Sex Positivity - what it is and what it isn't

There's a sexual liberation movement happening. I see more and more people releasing body-shame.

I also see a huge presence of non-consensual sex, porn, assault, and people taking advantage of this movement to perpetuate narcissism and inequality.

Nikki Glaser has a comedy special (really raunchy and not for the faint of heart) but really highlighted the plight of modern men and women in the #metoo era. Without minimizing survivors' experience, she brings humor and levity to the conversation.

So what does it mean to be sex-positive?

• Experiencing bodily pleasure without shame

• Saying YES when you mean it, and withdrawing consent (and talking about why)

• Appreciating that some people are sexual, some are asexual, and that can ebb and flow

• Communicating honestly with yourself about your desires and boundaries

• Associating positive feelings with sex

• Appreciating the diversity of sexual preferences across individuals - don't "yuck" their "yum"

• Healing sexual trauma and supporting survivors by being curious and caring toward their current needs

Sex positivity is NOT:

• Using sex to manipulate others

• Using sex to promote capitalist gains, unless you're a self-elected sex-worker

• Condom-less sex unless otherwise discussed

• Violating boundaries for others who didn't get a chance to communicate, such as in public or for neighbors

• Disregard for the state in which consent was given, such as intoxication or age

• Ignoring boundary violations when they occur by staying silent yet internally hurt or angry

It takes a lot of skill to be able to communicate your boundaries and discuss when boundary violations have occurred. Before that happens, we have to learn what we are actually feeling inside when we are faced with a desire - ours or a partner(s)' (yes, that includes multiple partners, a way that many folx share healthy sexual space).

How do we know inside our body whether we feel a "Yes!" or a "No thanks" happening? It's hard, especially depending on our past relationship and childhood experiences of being SEEN, HEARD and VALIDATED for our "yes" and "no."

Furthermore, how do we validate for ourselves what we are feeling and develop the confidence in our communication skills so that our desires can be shared and understood by others?

I would love to help you discover YOUR healthy sexual boundaries.